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August 30, 2011
FoxNews released an article in which they describe how one year of daycare is more expensive than one year of public college in 36 states. In some states, daycare for one child is said to be in the range of $18,000 per year, per child. That cost does not include the damage done to the child -- the emotional trauma the child faces when it is ripped away from its mother and rent-a-mom steps in.

I know there are cases where a single mom has to work. However, I would venture to say that the overwhelming majority of daycare kids are the result of parents who are more interested in their career or their lifestyle than the care of the kids.

Of course, there is God's plan. No one is brave enough to admit it, but we all know what it is!
Titus 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; (4) That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, (5) To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Notice how God describes this behavior as holy. These are some of the things God wants a woman to do to be holy: to be discreet, chaste and keepers at home. God didn't say that the ladies should be the bread-winner, God wants the chaste, holy ladies to be at home. You know what? If the ladies are at home, there's no daycare expense. Not only is there no daycare expense, there is no separation trauma for the kids!

As an extra, added bonus, if mom is home with the kids, she can also be a teacher of good things to her children. If mom isn't at home, who's teaching the kids (and what are they being taught)?


Anonymous said...

emotional trauma what

rent-a-mom what

Kids get weepy when they miss their moms. Used to babysit for a living, saw it all the time, usually only when the mom was away for more than four hours at a time. Doesn't mean they're being emotionally traumatized. Kids get weepy when you sent them to their room or ground them. Does that mean that to punish a kid is to inflict emotional trauma on him or her? No. Waterworks=/=trauma. If merely being away from mom for a few hours is enough to completely incapacitate a kid, there's something wrong.

You wanna know what traumatized me as a kid? I mean literally traumatized. Lifetime of nightmares, therapy, the whole nine yards. You wanna know what inflicts emotional trauma on a kid? The idea that their sweet, beloved grandmother is writhing in agony in hell because she was divorced. Half the reason I left Christianity in the first place was because I never want my kids around the kinds of people who would fill their heads with that stuff.

Don't you talk to me about traumatizing kids when you're doing the exact same thing to yours.

Randy Ross said...

Anonymous, I am sorry that you were misled about your grandmother. When you get a proper view of salvation, you will see that divorce does not condemn someone to hell - rejecting Jesus as Saviour does. Yes, it is true that we are all sinners, but it is equally true that Jesus offers a free gift. That gift is the gift of salvation. It is quite free to anyone who wants it, to anyone who would accept it. Please follow this link to learn more about the free gift of salvation.

As for your first point. No, tears do not equal trauma. However, when a child calls the day-care worker "moommie," something is quite broken. Yes, the day-care worker, nanny and whatever are 'rent-a-moms'. They are stand-ins paid to love and care for children in place of the child's mother. No matter how well paid, no one will ever replace mom in a child's eyes. Sadly, though, many people are willingly choosing to abdicate their parental responsibilities in favor of a few toys.

Again, please do not misunderstand. I am not saying a single mom is evil because she has to work. I am, however, saying that a family who chooses to have both parents work so they can have more toys or live a higher lifestyle will have to answer to God for neglecting their children.

Anonymous said...

Did you know that both my parents had to work in order to keep us in a house and off the streets?

Did you know that in my early childhood for a small period of time I was looked after by a babysitter? Did you know that I turned out to be a pretty good child, and I'm a well rounded adult?
Did you know that it is completely possible to be raised by someone else and you won't be 'traumatized' or 'emotionally detached' from your parents?

Did you know that I didn't call my babysitter 'Mommy', but I called her by her first name, because I knew the difference between my own mother and the woman who was looking after me?

To quote you:" A family who chooses to have both parents work so they can have more toys or live a higher lifestyle will have to answer to God for neglecting their children." Okay. So some parents neglect. But that statement does NOT apply to all parents who work.

For example: My parents had to work or else we would have nothing, and I mean, nothing. What then? How would we survive? My parents worked so that I could have clothes on my back, food on my plate, and schoolbooks for school. That isn't neglect. That is using thier brains and resources wisely in order to provide for thier child, me. They made the huge risk by moving to another country in order for my father to find a job. We could have lost everything, and my mother's salary probably wouldn't have been able to support a family with a brand new baby. But you know what? We were okay. My parents worked, and when they didn't work they were working so hard to raise me right. They provided me with opportunities to grow-- girl guides, camping, climbing, skiing, horseback riding. Some of these were done as a family.

Hundreds of families have done what my family has done. They had to in order to survive. They don't want to see their kids taken away from them because they abandon them in their own home.

Not every family can live the life that you outline on this website. The way the economy is right now housing is expensive, jobs are low, buying and gassing up a car is very expensive, and that doesn't include food and basic hygiene costs. Sometimes a mom can't stay home with the kids. How can you say that a single mom is okay to go to work, but a married couple can't both go to work? What happens if the father has a job that pays so low that they might not be able to buy enough food for a month? Is mom not allowed to get a job so that she can feed her kids? What kind of woman would she be if she didn't go work and her family was starving and poor dad was working himself to the bone just to bring home a measly $100 in a week? (continued below as Elle)

Anonymous said...

(the rest of elle's comment) I would like to see evidence of your statement "I would venture to say that the overwhelming majority of daycare kids are the result of parents who are more interested in their career or their lifestyle than the care of the kids." I would like to see that, because you're looking at a kid who had a babysitter and my parents didn't care about what they had or what position in their work they had.

Also, there is nothing wrong with wanting a better career and lifestyle. If parents work towards this, they can better provide for their kids. They can ensure food is on the table, have flexible holiday hours to take their kids holiday; place their kids in special schools or programs or extra curricular activities to help them achieve their goals, dreams and interests; have backup funds in case there is an accident, death in the family, or loss of their house from a natural disaster. A better income means that they can donate to their preferred charity or church, thus doing good Christian charity.

And do you know what's the coolest thing about this? Parents can still serve God through all of this. Why? Because they are raising their children by using their resources wisely. I'm sure God wants all of his people to achieve the very best they can for themselves and their children. In reality, it doesn't matter that they earn more or both parents are working. What matters is that despite the fact that both parents are working, it is 100% possible that they can, and do, take care of their kids.

I'm sure that you probably know all of this. I'm not sure that you will post this comment. But, even if you read this comment and don't post it, just take a moment to consider what I've said. However-I would suggest that you interview parents who work or don't work and see what kind of responses you get. I'm sure you'll get some interesting and enlightening responses. I think you need to do some extensive research on this topic so that you have a more solid approach.


Janine said...

Actually, it's good when a kid forms a bond with a caretaker. That means the caretaker is doing a good job.

My kids loved going to daycare (two mornings a week). They ran in happily.

I think you should be careful about inflicting emotional harm on single moms who have to work. You are saying they are causing their kids emotional trauma. Don't they have enough problems without strangers saying their kids are emotionally traumatized?

I mean, what would Jesus do? Would he inflict emotional pain on single mothers, like you are doing? Do you really believe you are doing God's work, by making judgments about children you don't even know?

Finally, most kids don't want to be around mom all day, while she does the laundry and cooks. It's boring for them. They'd much rather go to school, for a few hours a day, even when they are as young as 3 or 4. If your child can't separate from you for that long, then you may be doing something wrong (notice I don't say you definitely are doing something wrong, because I don't know you well enough to make that call).

Randy Ross said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Randy Ross said...

Elle, I have dealt with many kids who were left to themselves and seen kids who did not know who their mommy or daddy were. Kids who were raised by grandparents or even complete strangers. I have also talked to kids who were placed in daycare and kids who grew up with a stay-at-home mother.

Sometimes, there are circumstances beyond our control which necessitate what may be the second, third or fourth best choice. Second, third or fourth may be the best choice available. We know several families where mom is alone in raising her children. In these circumstances, is the mom wrong for working? No. Is this God's best plan? No.

We know another family where mom is working because her husband died from a stroke. Is she wrong for working? No.

The specific circumstance I am dealing with is a quite different one. I am addressing the parents who choose to put their kids in daycare so they can work two jobs and have a $500,000 house instead of an adequate modest house. Again, I know a family where both parents work. In fact, both parents are physicians. The kids see their parents on the weekend. Period. Oh, they have nice stuff, a nice home, lots of toys and a live-in nanny. I have heard the kids call the nanny "momma-nan." The nanny refers to the kids as "her kids."

I never presumed that every circumstance is the same and I have never presumed to judge anyone who works. But I do believe God condemns anyone who chooses a better lifestyle over their kids well-being.

Randy Ross said...

For those of you who would suggest the financial necessity of day care...

One study by the National Association of Child Care Resource & Referral Agencies suggest that daycare may, in some places, cost as much as $35,000 per year. That is a fairly decent income in my part of the country. This same study indicated that day care averages, depending on the region and services offered, from 35-45% of the given regions median income. If you assume the income earner is in the 25% federal tax bracket, and the 40% range for child care, they are peeling 65% of their income off the top for child care and federal taxes. This does not include the extremely high cost of fuel, extra clothing to work in, extra costs of meals and other taxes. At best, it becomes a break-even equation. This is especially true if the parent is in a low-income bracket. For us, it is simply cheaper for my wife to stay home with the kids than it would be for her to work.

All of that is just looking at the purely financial aspect. That does not take into account all of the emotional costs. My kids will never doubt who their mommy is.

Randy Ross said...

Part three...

The deeper issue is not financial and it is not about the emotional trauma inflicted on the children. The deeper issue is the issue of rebellion against God's Word and God's will. There are women who are simply not willing to acknowledge God's plan. No, it is not a plan where the woman is subservient to her husband. Rather, it is a plan where the lady is the queen of her home who is charged with the careful training and molding of the next generation in God's will. This is a very high calling. In my opinion, the only higher calling might be that of the Pastor. However, as I said earlier, there are those who, in their selfishness and rebellion, want their their way at all costs -- even if they must sacrifice their kids.

Yes, I believe the woman who works a second job and puts her kids in day care so the family can buy a third car or a boat is sacrificing her kids for stuff and will stand before God for her decision.

Randy Ross said...

Janine, you are correct. It is good that children can form an emotional bond with their daycare workers. It means they realize someone cares for them (even if the person who cares for them is getting paid to care for them).

What would Jesus do? In the Word of God, we read that older women are exhorted to teach the younger women to be, "sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:4a-5)

So, what would Jesus do? He would instruct the women to take care of their families.

Second, when a woman leaves the house and works for someone else, who is her authority? That is a completely different discussion!

Shelly said...

Wow. Thank you so much for this. I needed the encouragement. I just happened upon this searching for stuff about day-care.

My husband and I have been struggling with our family. We drive two older but reliable cars, we live in an older, smallish house which is warm, dry and paid for. I home school our kids while my husband works. We are happy, but my parents are harassing us to put the kids in school so I can get a job. They keep telling us that we could have a nicer house if I got that second job. I believe our kids would pay the price.

Your article and comments have helped me see that God's will is for us to keep on with me being a keeper at home.

Thank you. Please keep up the good work.

Randy Ross said...

Hi, Shelly. Thank for the kind comments. You are absolutely right to put your family first and foremost in your life. There are too many people who do not realize the cost of a house is far higher than the sum of its payments.

Your kids deserve more: they deserve a mommy and daddy who love them more than the stuff around them.