Notes on Marriage

1 Tim 3:2-6 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; (3) Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; (4) One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (5) (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) (6) Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil.

Recently, in another discussion, the question of marriage and divorce arose. So, it would seem that it is now time to explain exactly what marriage and divorce are, how they affect the life of the Christian and what the position of someone who divorces and remarries is. In the Bible passage quoted above, we can clearly see that one of the qualifications for the pastor is ‘to be the husband of one wife’. The question has arisen: does that mean one wife at a time? In short: no. The Lord’s intention for marriage is that it should be permanent.

First, we must look at what marriage is. Some claim that marriage is the physical union of a man and a woman, some claim that it is a legal contract and others claim that marriage is a union created and sanctified by God. What does the Bible say? Well, in Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus said, “…Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, (5) And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? (6) Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” For me, this clearly illustrates that God creates the marriage. “What therefore God hath joined together…” This defeats the notion that there is a physical act which creates marriage. If that were true, then sodomites could, Biblically, be married. In fact, anyone who has any act of fornication would be married. This is ludicrous. Do not misunderstand: fornication is a sin, but it does not make one married. Marriage is a union created by God with no intention of being broken. Further down this passage, Jesus tells the Jews that laws were given to allow for divorce as a result of the hardness of the people’s heart, but Jesus adds in Mat 19:8, “…but from the beginning it was not so.”

As we continue reading Mat 19, we see that the Lord does give one possible excuse for divorce: fornication. What is fornication? Webster’s 1828 defines fornication as “The incontinence or lewdness of unmarried persons, male or female; also, the criminal conversation of a married man with an unmarried woman.” In other words, it is pre-marital sex. (note: if marriage is the act of sex, then there would be no fornication as the act of fornication would also be the act of consummating the marriage union – again, a marriage union is not created by a physical act, it is a union created by God.) Webster’s 1828 also defines fornication as idolatry.

Outside of that one narrow exception, a marriage is not intended to be broken. It is intended to be a life-long union of two people. The physical relationship between a husband and his wife has several symbolic meanings:

• It is intended to be symbolic of the union of Christ and the
  church (no, not in a sensual sense). In this, it symbolizes a complete devotion between the bride and the bridegroom which endures forever, through both trials and triumphs. It is a union which cannot be broken any more than our salvation can be discarded.
• It is intended to be the means by which humans procreate.
• It is intended to be used for the pleasure of the husband and wife.

So, in that very limited case where a divorce is the result of fornication, what about remarriage? Mat 19:9 “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Jesus is making the point that there may be a cause for divorce, but outside of that one narrow possibility, anyone else who divorces and remarries committeth adultery.

HOWEVER, I would add this: I do not believe there is ever a case for divorce. Granted, there may be places where a husband and wife should separate (abuse, for example). However, this separation should never lead to a divorce. If adultery and fornication were a cause for divorce, then every wife would immediately have cause to divorce her husband. Again, quoting Jesus in Mat 5:27-28 "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: (28) But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." Jesus is quite plainly saying that we are all guilty of adultery. Unless Jesus is a liar, then we should all be divorced. However, the overall standard established in the Word of God is one of grace and forgiveness. Granted - the adultery should not take place, but where it does, there should be forgiveness and rebuilding in the marriage.

The over-riding standard with regard to marriage is in Jesus' statement: Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Anyone who rightly divides the Word of God can clearly see there is no place for divorce in God's economy and can equally see that someone who divorces and remarries is committing adultery.